


Out My Window

by chai8addict (stillostome)



Series: First Love Story [1]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Changmin has a crush on his neighbor, I really don't know how to use these tags, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Min doesn't know how to say hello, becomes (fails at being) a stalker, i'll just go with teen, or the rating system...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-03 09:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2846435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillostome/pseuds/chai8addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not normal, that much is certain. I mean, how many people like to spy on their neighbor? Sure with the window wide open and the blinds drawn up, it's pretty much like he's just begging someone to stare.</p>
<p> <br/>But that doesn't make me feel any better about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out My Window

 

 

 

Three years ago my family came into enough wealth to move out of our cramped apartment into a bigger house out in the suburbs. The new house has four bedrooms, one for my parents and one for each of my sisters and one for me. It was a given that my parents would be given the master bedroom, as for the rest, my sisters and I drew lots to figure out who’s is whose.

At first I thought it was terrible luck when I was given the bedroom above the garage. Due to the poor ventilation, it was the hottest room in the summer as well as the coldest in the winter. In the morning, I always wake up to the sound of a car engine as my father leaves early for work. I also share a wall with the only bathroom on the second floor, where I and my sisters stay, so I get to listen to them every day as they get ready for school. Yet, when my youngest sister decided to study abroad and I was offered her room, I declined. 

When I first moved in the only good point was that it had two windows. The north-facing window opened out onto the street, while the east facing window showed me the house next door.

Unlike ours it was only one story and so directly below my window was another bedroom's window. Their blinds were always open to allow for any available sunlight, and the window always cracked begging for some sort of breeze. This was how I meet him.

Well, met might be too strong of a word, seeing as how I've never actually talked to him. In reality it's more like how I first saw him.

I had collapsed on my bed after a long day of unpacking and getting everything into its new place, when I heard music drift up through my wide open window. My new neighbor was blasting his music throughout his house it seemed, and looking through my window into his, I could see him dancing around his room.

He looked so carefree, so full of life, I pulled up my chair to the window, laid my head on the sill and watched him for as long as he danced. I really didn't mean to keep watching him, but his movements were captivating. It was almost like watching water with the way one move flowed into another, yet they were so precise it was easy to see where one move ended and he moved into the next.

After what seemed like hours, he collapsed onto his floor, his chest moving up and down as he caught his breathe. Dropping my shoulders in despair that the performance was over, I moved to return to unpacking when a loud laugh drifted up to me. The first thought in my mind was that I had been caught and he was laughing at me, so naturally I dropped to the floor in an attempt to hide from his ridicule.

But the laughter soon died off, and I dared myself to look out once more. The guy was still lying on the floor, his eyes hidden from me, so he couldn't have seen me. However, I could see his mouth, his smile. He hadn't seen me, he was just that full of life and laughter that it had bubbled out of him.

I can say for a fact that such a thing has never happened to me. To be so happy at the moment that without anyone around, without any stimulus, to laugh so hard and so fully. Though I moved away from the window, I left it open letting the sun brighten the room even well into the afternoon and I was dying of heat, it was still open.

I wanted to hear his laughter again.

The months following, with going to school and all the extracurricular activities that I was forced into, the window stayed open. In the morning I would see him running around the room in a panic getting things for school. Which thanks to the uniform he was wearing, I knew that he attended the school that was known for its performing arts the way mine was known for its studies. The afternoon was always full of fun and laughter as his friends would come over and spend hours just laughing at random things. The evening was solely dedicated to dancing and homework I'm guessing. His desk was at an angle that was almost impossible to see without looking like a complete pervert.

And, yes I am fully aware of how creepy it is to watch my neighbor's son every day. But at least I'm not spying on him changing his clothes or masturbate. Well, that's just what I tell myself. I have tried to stop watching, but then something happens that I can hear from my window, and I'm back at my desk that I strategically placed by the window, watching him.

After that first day by the window, I am ashamed to say that I reorganized all the furniture in my room. Ok, it was only the bookshelf and the desk, but still. My desk used to be against the opposite wall, but I moved it so that all I had to do was turn slightly in my chair and viola the window and the guy next door is in my line of sight.

Months go by and turn into a year. He graduates high school and gets accepted into college, I know because I saw the huge party they threw for him. I was scared that he would leave and I wouldn't see him again, that I would never know that his name was, that he would never know mine. But he decided to go to the university that was in town, close enough where he would still be staying at home.

It is really embarrassing that I've now lived by him for a little over a year, and I still have no idea what his name is. Sure, I could always go up to him on the rare times when we're both outside our respective houses, but every time that happens I run back into my house like he just declared war and I don’t have a weapon.

I do, however, know his surname, due to his sister going to my school. Again it would be so easy to go up to her and ask what her brother's name is. But that conversation just sounds creepy no matter how I phrase it.

"Hey Jihye-ssi! You don't really know me, but I live next door to you and I really want to know your brother's name. See I've been watching him from my window for a year now, and I still have no clue how to talk to him. Any tips?"

Yea, that would go over so well.

Only my best friend (really only, yes I am that pathetic) knows about my little obsession. It is his constant source of entertainment, watching me become a complete fangirl over some guy that I've never met.

"We should give him a name," Kyuhyun says one day at lunch. "So we don't have to keep referring to him as that guy whose window is right below yours."

"I am not giving him a name." I report back, stealing his last piece of meat. "That would only make me seem even creepier that I already am. Besides what happens when I finally get the courage to talk to him and I call him by our stupid nickname comes out instead of his real name?!"

"Give me back my meat," He pouts, swiping it from out of my chopsticks. "That would never happen, cause you will never talk to him. Also, the nickname won't be stupid…"

One of my eyebrows rose questioning his judgment. I mean this is my best friend, if we think at all alike then the nicknames will all be silly. "Right so give me one."

Kyuhyun was quiet for a long time. "U-Know." He finally spoke with a nod that said, _Yes this is what I am going to call my friend's sick obsession._

"U-Know?" I said with the same nod, only mine questioned his sanity. Which is big considering where it’s coming from.

"Yea, you know like 'You-Know-Who' from Harry Potter." Yes, yes this is my friend. I'm so proud. "Kind of like, I know that you know who I'm talking about. U-Know."

That could actually work. "I'm not calling him that."

Kyuhyun laughed, "Well then from hence forth he shall be called U-Know." God why did you give me such a strange friend.

Unfortunately the name stuck. Though I have to admit it could be worse.

Months roll by again, with me still sitting by the window everyday watching my next door neighbor dance and laugh with his friends. Then one afternoon, I heard U-Know's door slam and this strange laugh that I hadn't heard before drift up to my window.

Pecking out my window, not creepily at all, I gazed down and saw a man I had never seen over before. He was very pretty, too pretty. With big wide eyes and practically porcelain skin, it made him seem like living doll. It was creepy, not as creepy as me but still pretty creepy.

The strange laugh drifted up again, and I watched as the pretty man walked over to U-Know running his hand down my neighbor's chest until he finally reached the edge of the shirt. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from shouting out in protest when the creepy doll man slipped his hand under U-Know's shirt and worked its way up along the muscles I always imagined were there.

I watched blinking hard to keep the moisture out of my eyes, as the pretty man tilted his head up and silently asking for a kiss. The moment I saw U-Know's head dip to capture the pouty lips, was the moment that I closed the blinds cutting off all the light from my room.

Turning back to my desk I began working on the homework due in a few days, trying hard to forget what I had just seen. It was nothing new. I had seen all types of people over at my neighbor's house, the only difference was that they were usually girls.

I could deal with that.

What I can't deal with is that this time...this time it was a boy. He liked boys. Or more precisely he likes pretty boys.

Ever since the first time I had seen him, there had been this little nagging thought in the back of my mind that I probably wasn't straight. I've never really had any interest in girls, hell I never really had an interest in anybody. Which was what made U-Know so different. I had been interested in him.

I had known from the beginning that it would never work because he liked girls, not boys. Then this pretty man came in and… It is the worst feeling.

I can handle watching him date girls, I can deal with that. I can suffer in silence. But knowing that he likes boys, that he found a boy he wants to date… A boy that will never be me.

It hurts.

For the rest of the day I kept the blinds closed. But the window stayed open. As much as I hated this unknown man's laugh, I still loved U-Know's laugh. Even though it hurt, I wanted to hear it.

Kyuhyun was unsympathetic.

"What did you expect?" He asked a few days later once he had pried the reason for why I was moping around. We were hanging out in my room, windows open blinds closed. "A hot guy like that to go through out his college years single?"

"It's not the fact that he's dating someone that's bothering me," I whisper quietly gazing at the blinds that block the world out.

"It's the fact that he's dating a guy. A guy that's not you." Kyu points out, picking up a sandwich that my mom had brought up for us. Taking a bite, he practically moaned in happiness before pointing at me with his sandwich. "You have never even talked to the guy, how can you expect him to know that you're interested?"

"I know that." My hands run through my hair, making the already unruly hair poof up even more. "But if I had known that he was interested in guys, I would have made more of an effort to talk to him." More of an effort to look good.

Kyuhyun gave a bark of laughter. "Yea, right. You would have gone even more out of your way to avoid any contact from him."

I could feel my face heat up but I knew better than to deny it because it was true. Before I could try to defend what's left of my pride, laughter drifted up through my window and I flinched.

"Why do you have the windows open? Do you like torturing yourself?" Kyuhyun asked looking at me with pity. Then standing up he moved over to the window and before I could stop him, he slammed the window closed cutting off mid-laughter.

"It's not healthy Min." He said turning to me. "I didn't say anything at first because it was the first time you had a real crush on anyone. The first time you came up to me with stars in your eyes. But now…" He let he eyes trail back to the window. "But now it’s gone on for too long."

Bowing my head, I agreed. Yet the moment that Kyuhyun had left, I went over to the window and opened it once more letting the sound of music and laughter wash over me. It might not be healthy, but right now it was what I needed.

 

Everything changed one day that school was let out early.

I came home practically skipping, so happy to be done with exams. I was halfway through my senior year in high school and I had applied to colleges as far away as England, anything to get away from this house. Bouncing around the house, not bothering to lower my singing voice as it echoed through the empty house.

With food in hand, I bounced up the stairs to my room, ready to catch up on all the video games I had missed out on. Setting up everything on my desk, I reached over to the window to let a breeze in to get rid of all the stuffy air. Then I heard it.

A high pitched moan drifted through the small crack in the window. It was followed by thumping sounds and breathless pleas for 'more' and 'harder'.

My hand lay frozen on the sill. My mind was demanding that it close the window, but my hand wouldn't move. Even with tears streaming down my face, my hand wouldn't move.

When the final shout of pleasure came through my window, only then did my hand move. It moved languidly as though the air was molasses, but it was able to close the window. Turning away from it, and from my desk, I headed straight for my bed to curl up in its warmth.

As the tears fell onto my pillow, I had to laugh at myself. I had got so caught up with this guy I had seen outside my window, hell I didn't even know his name and yet here I am crying over him. Well, they always say that the first love hurts the most.

Over the next few months I stopped talking about U-Know with Kyuhyun, rather I kept it to myself. I found other things to talk about. I made up crushes on different guys just to make him stop pitying me. I acted like a teenager for once.

I didn't open the window again.

Even when spring came and the air warmed up, I didn't open the window. Preferring to suffer in heat rather than hearing my neighbor have sex again.

Even when I heard, through my closed window, the pretty man breaking up with him. I couldn't help but over hear that, I mean you could hear the yelling from all the way down the street. I still didn't open my window.

I received my acceptance letters from different colleges, and chose the one I wanted to attend. It was half way across the country, but I didn't care. I wanted to be gone. I didn't want to have to panic every time I left the house that I would run into U-Know. Soon I would be free of this place. I could get over him.

It was the Sunday night before my final week as a high school student, that I finally cracked and opened the window. My room had been like a sauna, and the heat made me sleepy. After nearly crashing on my pile of notes, I gave up and flung the window wide open relishing in the cool night air, hoping the chill would keep me awake.

It hadn't been more than an hour that the window had been open that I heard a strange noise.

_Thunk!_

My head shot up and I glanced around, mentally cursing myself for letting Kyuhyun trick me into seeing that horror movie last night as a break from studying. After a few minutes of not hearing or seeing anything, I went back to my work. 

_Thunk_!

My pencil dropped when it came again. Determining that it had come from my window, I went over to check it out. Yup, I probably won't survive long in a real horror movie. But then again, I probably won't even get into that type of situation.

Leaning out of my window I looked around, before mentally face palming. I live on the second floor, unless someone has learned to levitate there wouldn’t be at eye level. So then I looked down, to see my neighbor sitting on his window sill looking up at me. 

He had a smile on his face, and his eyes were laughing having no doubt seen my brief attack of stupid. Seeing that he had my attention, he reached for something in his lap. He held up a blank notebook page that had one word bolded out on it.

**Hey!**

Automatically I raised my hand to wave. Then I stopped myself. 

This man had caused me so much pain and grief, yet here he was greeting me. Sure he didn't know about half the things I went through, but still. How dare he.

Part of me wanted to text Kyuhyun asking what to do, but my phone was across my room he would notice if I got up and left. Besides, another part of my brain rationalized, soon I'll be leaving and Kyuhyun won't be there with me to make decisions for me.

Biting my lip, I threw caution to the wind and reached for my notepad and a marker. I wrote out one word.

**Hello**  

It could blow up spectacularly in my face, and I could end up in twice the pain I had been. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what-if. I've done enough of that these past few years, wondering what if I talked to him, what if I stopped running away. I’m done with that.

I'm in charge of my own destiny and I'll deal with the consequences should they come with no regrets because this is the path I choose.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Another re-post from aff


End file.
